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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435791">how long is this burn supposed to last?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistoney/pseuds/alistoney'>alistoney</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec’s birthday, Angst, Bittersweet, M/M, mortality angst, the death occurs before the fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:29:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,149</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26435791</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alistoney/pseuds/alistoney</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been ten years. Magnus has learned to live with the hole Alec had left in his heart. He’s had to. </p><p>Today is harder. It always is. It’s Alec’s birthday.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>149</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>how long is this burn supposed to last?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’ve had this idea in my head since March and have made myself wait until Alec’s birthday to actually write it haha. So here’s me throwing this out an hour before Alec’s birthday is over here in my corner of the world lol! </p><p>I hope you enjoy (and I’m sorry) </p><p>And a huge huge thank you to Amanda who indulged me rambling about this, betaed it AND helped me pick a title. Thank you lovely!!! &lt;333</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Magnus has always loved Tokyo. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hasn’t been back in years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The market is bright and bustling in the late afternoon. The sounds of vendors shouting over one another and the bustle of the crowd around Magnus is still the same as it always has been. Familiar even after all these years.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madzie sidles up to him, looking subtly over her shoulder where Cat is letting one of the vendors show off his handcrafted fans to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus raises his eyebrows when Madzie nudges him with her shoulder, “She was eyeing the gold necklace,” she whispers, grin bright. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Magnus can respond, Madzie flicks her wrist and the necklace disappears from the display case and appears in her palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Madzie!” Magnus chides. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rolls her eyes at him, “don’t worry I left him money for it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus can’t help but laugh, “I’m a terrible influence on you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madzie shrugs, “can’t change it now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus shakes his head, linking their arms and walking further into the market crowd to give Cat her gift. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As daylight wanes, it gets harder and harder to ignore exactly why Magnus hasn’t been back to Tokyo in so long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The memory of the setting sun reflected in hazel eyes. Fingers tangled, walking these same streets. The giddy newness he’d saved in his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Madzie doesn’t seem to notice, Magnus can hide from her still. But Magnus has never truly been able to hide from Cat. </span>
</p><p>She’s watching him now as they linger in the street outside the Palace Hotel.</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure you don’t want company?” she asks softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus shakes his head. She and Madzie already have dinner plans. They’d already done enough in accompanying Magnus here for the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus needs to do this next part alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus slowly pours himself a drink. Gin. Alexander had always loved gin. Magnus had loved tasting it on his lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He lets his lips quirk up slightly as he takes a sip, and doesn't ignore the ache in his chest for once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The balcony doors sweep open with a flick of Magnus’ fingers and he steps out into the September evening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tokyo is blinking on for the night under him, the same way it had all those years ago on this same balcony. When Magnus had been so in love he’d found it hard to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Standing here, he can still remember Alec’s steady touch. The way he’d held Magnus’ waist, gentle but sure, and kissed him under the moonlight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The omamori sits heavy in Magnus’ pocket. He still keeps it with him. It hasn’t made it to the box. Not yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s been ten years. Magnus has learned to live with the hole Alec had left in his heart. He’s had to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Today is harder. It always is. It’s Alec’s birthday. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus has never been one for being sentimental about dates. When one has lived as long as he has, significant ones tend to blur together. But Alec’s birthday is different somehow. Another year gone by, that Alec had deserved to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shadowhunters live fast and die young. Magnus hadn’t  had illusions about that. It didn’t mean he had been ready to lose Alec.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The space next to him feels burningly empty. He and Alec had hovered giddily around each other on this balcony only decades ago. Alec had smiled into their kisses. Now, the ghost of Magnus’ happiness almost mocks him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He carefully fishes the old omamori charm out of his pocket, fingers running over the frayed edges. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus takes a shaky breath. He can only barely remember the sound of Alec’s voice and yet he still misses it. Misses the feeling that came with that voice directed at him. The easy affection over the way he used to say Magnus’ name. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That</span>
  </em>
  <span> he still remembers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus’ hand goes to his pocket again, pulling out his phone. He goes to the contacts and clicks onto Alec’s name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His thumb lingers over the contact photo. Alec, bathed partially in moonlight, sprawled lazily over the chaise out on their balcony. He’d been drunk when Magnus had taken the photo. Loose limbed and pliant, giggling at every word that Magnus had said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, Magnus misses him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries so hard not to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus presses the call button without thinking. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, it’s Alec. I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave your name and message.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus’ hold on his emotion shatters. He’s surprised by the shuddering sob that tries to wrack out of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voicemail is horribly boring and simple. Magnus had pleaded with him constantly to change it. Now, all that matters is it’s Alec’s voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The beep sounds on the line and Magnus swallows against the lump in his throat. He’d meant to hang up after hearing Alec’s voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey darling,” he says instead, voice cracking over the words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels tears slip down his cheeks when he closes his eyes. He ignores them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m in Tokyo.” He blinks against his tears and lets his eyes roam the skyline unseeingly, lost in the past, “You know, the first time I brought you here I was proper trying to woo you,” he laughs wetly, shaking his head, “little did I know, you were going to beat me at my own game.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus remembers the way Alec had finally relaxed on that first trip. It’s almost funny how charmed Magnus had been when Alec had pulled him by the hand into that photo booth. Magnus can’t forget the affection he’d felt when Alec had earnestly asked him if he could try on his bracelets in the booth with wide eyes and a half sheepish smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus had been so gone, so early.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then there was the way Alec had gone searching for the same photo booth the second time they’d come to Tokyo because he’d wanted to kiss Magnus that first time but hadn’t. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alec had always managed to surprise him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I miss you,” Magnus confesses, “god, I miss you so much. I always knew I was going to lose you. Doomed to tragedy, we were, ” Magnus laughs even though it isn’t funny, “Knowing that didn’t make it any easier.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, why did it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt </span>
  </em>
  <span>so much? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus took another shuddering breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Clave is in final talks with the Downworld on the New Accords,” Magnus says softly because he knows if Alec was really here that’s what he’d want to know, “They’ve completely scrapped the old ones. They’re using the draft you’d started. They’ve already approved the Downworld seats on the Council,” Magnus smiles, “You helped change the world, Alexander. I wish you could be here to see it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus imagines Alec is looking down on him. He hopes he’s as proud as Magnus is to see how much has changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Magnus raises a toast to the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Happy Birthday, Alexander. I love you.” </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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